Epilogue

Chapter 48 – To Love, Forgive and Live

 Jesus Loves, Forgives and Lives

Luke 6:35-38

“[Jesus said] But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for He is Kind unto the unthankful and to the evil. Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is Merciful. Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.”

John 13:34-35

“[Jesus said] A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”

After our Kaiyah passed away there wasn’t much loving consolation for Peter and me. Unfortunately, some people are rather insensitive. My bond with animals has always been quite strong and I have been ridiculed by others because of it. Including by my own Marmi especially after I had lost Fluffy, a white kitty with eyes the color of pale jade that I had rescued as a child. Fluffy was my beloved pet of fourteen years. I mourned deeply for her after she died. She was my prayer buddy and she was often present when the Lord first began to bring songs into my heart. She was my friend, a comfort during the many pains of life I was dealing with at that time; she never hurt me, patiently listened, innocently made me laugh, and never had ulterior motives. She just loved me.

She was there for me when no one else was including my own parents who often had little patience with me and were often dealing with their own difficulties. I had to be strong for them. Marmi said I mourned for animals - Fluffy in this case - stronger than I did for people including my own grandmother, my Marmi’s momma, who had passed near the time Fluffy did. She was right but those words cut me deeply. My animals have been closer to me than people pretty much my whole life including my dear grandma, who I called Nana like she asked me to. I never got to know her. My grief for Nana was that I never knew her even though I was told we shared much in common and for my Marmi losing her momma.

I love my family very much and all the people the Lord has allowed my life to cross paths with and even those I do not know; that is just how I am. But there is something very special receiving the kind of love that animals give and the way they share the gifts God has given them. They are unique ministers from God. I will treasure them forever just as my Heavenly Father has taught me to do and Does Himself. It was no surprise that that accusation in particular would surface again during the fierce storm Peter and I were riding out together.

In fact things escalated with the tempest barreling down on us in full force. Mourning Kaiyah, or any loss at any time, was something Peter and I needed to do, all of us should do so when grieving. Everyone’s process is different but the importance of allowing that process to occur can’t be emphasized enough. Nevertheless the waves of attacks and disturbances that occurred within the family dynamic began to include things regarding the sale of our home. We were numbed out to the point of being distraught. Yet God’s Merciful Love and Strength sustained us and we purposely found more reasons to thank Him for His Faithful Goodness and Plan despite what we were experiencing. Peter’s mom was much affected by what was happening. We prayed, encouraged each other and tried to ease the strain she was going through wherever we could. It was a difficult season for all of us.

Finally, the great noise of the winds, raging waves and battering gradually came to a hush. With the dissolving of the unseen tempest came movement toward raw and open dialogue, repentance, apologies, and forgiveness. Even though trust had been thoroughly fragmented Peter and I purposed to walk in love and forgiveness. Without God’s Love we profit absolutely nothing. The Scriptures in Ephesians 4:29-32 rose to the surface of my heart during prayer one morning; then came a gentle nudge to share, with Peter’s support, with the family during the later leg of the storm, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” The admonition was exact. We all have to be so careful with our words and actions; extensive damage can be done in a very short time. Most often things will never be the same afterward.

All we have to do is look at before and after pictures of tsunamis, typhoons, hurricanes, wildfires and floods. It takes massive amounts of clean-up. Rebuilding is monumental if it is even possible to do so. The areas are never restored the same as they were before. Thankfully, in our lives, cooperating with Jesus and walking in His Ways, they can be miraculously better. The Passage in Romans 8:26-28 fortified me in God’s Comfort and Hope, especially when I’ve been overwhelmed and don’t have the words. He reminded me of Holy Spirit’s Help to Heal, that He Searches all hearts, Intercedes for those of us who love God in ways so beyond our understanding, and His ministry is also there to help us know all things will work together for our good. “Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And He that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because He maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.” That is one awesome Truth and Promise.

Definitely hearts were being tested, afflictions endured, decisions made, and we were waiting for the final answer: to stay or to move back. We waited on the Lord for discernment as the battle of tug-of-war was playing out around that decision. Eventually, just as the storm started to lessen, the Lord indeed sent us back with decisive clarity. Our house had received ludicrously low-ball offers, strange comments and one legitimate offer but the demands were incredibly over the top. Our agent was unusually silent on the line and the timing expiration brought the whole process to a screeching halt. Peter, being the head of our home, was certain it was time to pack our little animals and go home. I couldn’t have agreed more.

We were not able to see all our dear friends during that window of time for whatever reason but one, Mary Ann. I had known her for years and God Knew she was just the person to listen and share with us during that time. She also blessed us with a joyful and refreshing surprise gift, a trip to the Phoenix Zoo, one of our favorite places to visit. She had volunteered there for decades and is still going strong at the time of this writing. Plus it gave us another chance to see her again before heading home. Talk about a lady who has seen storms, loves animals, people, and the Lord who had Seen her through so much. What an amazing woman of God and testimony. She could write a few volumes. Once again in being surrounded by God’s Creatures in beautiful settings and the kindness of a friend we found comfort… and an extra bonus, Peter had plenty of photo opportunities which is always good medicine for my husband.

The moment arrived for another bittersweet departure. We had chosen to spend a little more time with the family with, hopefully, more love and understanding between us. We even made a point to stay through Peter’s dad’s birthday. In the end we all worked to be a blessing to one another.

Our faith in God and His Word was more deeply rooted than before. I believe that severe storm of persecution would prove to have fashioned in Peter and me a more profound loving awareness and fortitude. It would take time to process and recover from everything. There were many important lessons to be learned, to see where Papa God knew we needed more correction in our lives and to be prepared for what was next. We were emotionally exhausted. We were still reeling but settled by the incredible reminder that The Grace of God is always sufficient. His Grace is always directly tied to humility, providing us the ability to stand against the evil one as it is clearly stated in James 4:6-7, “But He giveth more grace. Wherefore He saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” Amen and amen. We didn’t know it yet but we were about to discover more severe storm damage from the unseen tempest.

The ride back home was quieter. Our mini-caravan minus one, our Kaiyah, travelled safely along with the emptiness left by her absence. We rested overnight before carrying on. Gideon again reminded me travel was not his favorite thing to do but only for a little bit. Cotton tweeted and took it all in stride as best he could. A relief washed over us as we crossed the state line and connected to the main freeway artery taking us home. It was an unusual disconnected feeling driving back up to our home with all our belongings in tow but it was a welcome sight. Once we got everyone settled, and the family notified, Peter and I had a time of thanks to the Lord. We tried to take in the moments with the weight of everything still aching in our hearts and minds. The memories of Kaiyah and Pumpkin were raw and plentiful.

As we reacclimated to our home I realized pretty quickly that things were not as we left them. Damage had been done; inside the home, the attic, in the garage and even outside. We discovered one thing after another. We had surveillance and were too overwhelmed to go through all that until we could manage the reality and emotion that would come with the examination of the recordings. That was almost too much for us, the grief and anger were very strong especially after what we had just been through. The costs to our lives, our work, our animals and so on were enormous. Our agent was clueless which was awful. Trust in people was in shattered pieces all over the place.

We couldn’t fathom why anyone would have done that especially when we discovered who some of them were, not by name because we don’t know them personally but recognized their faces, and that our own neighbors had been a few of the repeat offenders. We cried out to the Lord especially me as I am the one usually taking care of house and home and noticed the things that were out of place or had been violated. I was devastated. It made zero sense. Peter and I didn’t even know how to work all that through but to run to Jesus, breathe, and just figure out how to start to live again. Two neighbor gentlemen were warm and kind to Peter when we returned. Those gestures were like aloe vera gel on a severe burn. We will always be grateful for them.

Peter thankfully found work after months of pounding the pavement. The Lord knew he had always wanted to learn to work with wood and his new job provided that opportunity. We thanked the Lord for everything we could to keep our heart focused on what was important.

What were we to do about the damage and the perpetrators? We decided to let it go to God for handling and to forgive every last one of them, and to keep doing so until it was full in our hearts. I will confess it was hard to want to be around anyone. Avoidance is not the same as hiding. I was avoiding almost everyone. Safety, privacy, trust, and hope had been violated and I was done. We decided after a long while to still be friendly when we could and walk in the Ways of our God. It was only something He could Help us with; it was too much for our own hearts. I am still walking out this journey and it is not easy. Peter and I are still being renewed even as we work to restore our physical home. God is Working to Renew our souls, our lives and our family.

Papa God Has a Plan and He is Faithful no matter what. Ever since I was a little girl God’s Loving Words in Isaiah 43:1-3 helped me hear His Heart through anything and everything; His Words absolutely rang loud and true once again, “But now thus saith the LORD that Created thee, O Jacob, and He that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art Mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the LORD thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour: I gave Egypt for thy ransom, Ethiopia and Seba for thee.” Thank you Lord for the Love You Are….

As I have been remembering my Kaiyah Takota writing these chapters, it has been very important to allow the Holy Spirit to minister to me as I’ve travelled through my memories. Recalling the many ways His Word has instructed and nourished my life, especially the ones I believe He has directed my heart to share, has been profoundly helpful for me to gain focus and find freedom from the intense grief and emotions that were part of our journey. God is our Healer. Taking time to reflect on many happy things have aided in mending from many unhappy things. Ultimately, it has shown me more of my Loving God, His Presence, Thoughtfulness, and the incredible Love He has for not only Kaiyah but all of us including me. Looking back I realize how very much Kaiyah and I shared similarities and in many ways her companionship was a prophetic preparation for what I would have to keep walking out for the remainder of my life. Gideon, Cotton, and our adorable newest cockatiel addition, Pluffy aka “Sir Pluffs Alot” are doing their precious part to enrich our lives as His servants and hopefully, for a long time. We are excited to see what other surprises the Lord has in store for us. Just like all my animal friends, Kaiyah’s ministry was one of a kind, my novel husky. How much the Lord wants to show, teach and reveal to us if we but listen to Him and those servants He sends into our lives whether they have fur, feathers, scales, shells, flora, seasons, or otherwise; even people sometimes.

Kaiyah Takota was beautiful and an incredible witness to her God-given name; an ongoing reminder from my Savior to allow Him to give me the ability to forgive much and to forgive fully, to be a friend to all with His love, humility, gentle quiet spirit, being careful to trust wisely, to find my “bark” when absolutely necessary especially when happy, and to know God wants me to live freely, completely, and abundantly in Him all of my days….

…Until we meet again…