Chapter 19 – Eye of the Storm

God of All Grace

Romans 8:34-35

"It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right Hand of God, Who also maketh intercession for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?"

1 Peter 5:10

“But the God of all Grace, who hath called us unto His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.”

That year would go on to end with another major transition in my life. After much prayer and discussion Peter and I had decided it was time for me to have a work change. I had given the company, as I would always do when transitioning out of a workplace, a huge notice to help with replacement and the inevitable transition. I had all my ducks in a row and a well run system locked in place, including manuals to walk them through all the nooks and crannies that I had so come to enjoy navigating. To say the departure from there with my decades-long established career added to my grief was an understatement. I really cared for the folks and the work I did. I have always seen my work environment as working foremost unto the Lord. My service to Him and following His definitions of integrity and accountability carried through into my life including jobs and relationships. And I was extremely protective, I had to be. I also had a very strong impression I had to leave and I did so for many reasons, which would be better served in another story.

My emotions and all the various complications were weighing heavily and I needed time to regroup. In addition I was discerning something else, but wasn’t sure exactly what, but I knew I had to be “free” in order to be prepared. His Grace would see me through. I had no idea at the time how much undealt with pain I had from my early years; the battering storms that often occur in this life especially when you really do love Jesus and want to obey Him and His Word more than going with the “crowd”, and the long rather lonely years of service I had been walking out through my life had been taking a toll on me. I really had no idea. And I didn’t know exactly what lay ahead.

God has always Provided me the Joy, Strength and Grace to continue on while pouring out to others even if that meant I was most often left high and dry. He is my Source. I had gotten rather used to that being the norm. Being married to Peter seemed to expose that unknown fatigue of soul and I was clueless as to the growing intensity of undertow that was surging and pulling in addition to all the compounding grief and loss. My whole world seemed under some sort of affliction and deep pruning and I was feeling smaller and more out of sorts every day. Peter was also going through his own set of complications. Both of us were experiencing outside relationship collapses and were at a loss as to the reasons or the timing but we knew to trust God and hold on to one another.

My husband and I knew our Lord Jesus Loved us and was with us, we strove to keep our praises in Him and to Him even when words were starting to fail to be present; we would sit in His Presence and wait.  We spent much time in prayer seeking God for Wisdom, Correction, Comfort, and everything He Knew we needed, and for sure we did not fully know exactly. We were two sheep in much need our Our Good Shepherd’s husbandry and we let Him know… and often. I held onto the Scriptures that tell me Jesus was always interceding for us and would see us through….and nothing would or could separate us from His Love. He is my eye in the storms of life. He could speak to those storms and they would be still, whatever He would do, I needed to trust Him. God does not and cannot lie. He is the God of all Grace. I reminded myself, and still do.

Kaiyah and the boys were constant companions of gentleness and purpose. They seemed keen to know we were walking through difficult things. I am thankful for their ministry to us as often people seem to be much more self-absorbed and busy about doing their own things - including in the church, unfortunately. But I already knew that since I was a little girl. I watched it happen to my parents, to my brothers, to many others I knew plus I had a lifetime of my own experiences for sure and for certain. Praying for the church and the people part of it has been an integral part of my intercession for as long as I can remember. It is amazing to me how often the Lord placed many little loving animals to share my journey with, even for a short time. Each would be a blessing from the Lord in their presence and personalities, being right there when I needed them even when I wasn’t looking. Kaiyah, Gideon, and Pumpkin were no exceptions; clearly they were Heavenly Appointed unique friends to travel life together and I can’t thank my Heavenly Father enough! My Marmi understood this very well. She had voiced a similar sentiment many times through the years and I am sure countless others would too. God has an amazing way of ministering to us and He knows who He can trust to be His minister. Kaiyah, Gideon and Pumpkin were totally ministering to us.

What the Grace and Love of God can do for us. At that time Kaiyah was much more peaceful, happy and confident and knew the trails like the back of her paw. When out wandering about she was showing leadership and persistence. And she was enjoying using her discretion in choosing paths when reaching those forks along the way. And if I was to lean toward a direction she wasn’t going for she would gently but deliberately mush toward her desired angle and put forward pressure in her pull. It was her way of saying, “C’mon furmommy this way.” She knew her personal whistle and had come to full understanding of the word "MUSH." Seeing her being herself without all that used to weigh her soul so heavily was pure delight. She was curly tailed almost regularly and attentively knew when a rattler was out and about enjoying the full sunshine on the trails. She wasn’t as guarded for herself as I would have liked. She would just look at it, look at me, try to approach it, look at me, smell down at it from too close a distance for my liking, and then stand there giving me the green light to go around. Never barking she just offered that protective, curious watchful husky posture and “I got it” face. I would try to lead her strongly out of the area but most often she would not want to budge and I wanted her safe too. Those moments were something else. Both of us not wanting to go but wanting the other to go, and there was this snake just wanting to be - and for us to go or let it go about doing snake things. It is almost comical to think about now...

Kaiyah was really flourishing. She had been receiving lots of love from new furmily and her kitty friends Gideon and Pumpkin. Pumpkin had adapted to sleeping right by her or even on her bed at times, which she appeared not to mind one bit especially when she was already sound asleep. It was very cute to see to say the least. The joy of her new furmily from near and far and the tasty treats and attention they shared were definitely helpful for her and I think them too. Kaiyah had a furdaddy she was bonding with as well. He continued to respect her space and was learning every day more and more what being her furdaddy meant.  

There was a time when Peter, Kaiyah and I were out on a hike and suddenly out of nowhere Kaiyah’s stance became rigid and her ears went straight up. She stopped solid, tilted her head left and then right with her nose straight toward where she fixed her eyes, and with no sound or warning she popped up in to the air and forward paws and muzzle straight into a pile of softened brush that looked a bit like a composting pile that was in its early stages. We heard a little squeak-like sound... Again she zoned in and repeated and this time she caught what looked to be a small desert prairie dog! She only held it loosely looking at me with those eyes, “I caughts it!” She let it go immediately and then intensified in her search and seizure, but we held her back a bit to which she was not so happy but then she relaxed. Peter and I investigated the area a bit making sure no one was hurt of course, and discovered it was a home site for those little critters. Kaiyah then snuck around us and once again was on the hunt and she was very excited to be doing, as Peter calls it, dog-like behaviors. It was a proud furdaddy moment and we both were glad to see her hunting instincts were so sharp. It was totally an affirmation of her survival skills needed all those years ago caring for her puppies out on the reservation.

After telling her to “leave it” more than a few times she finally looked at us like “ok” and then back to the mission of leading the trail hike insued. I noticed she glanced back before “mushing” forward toward the next destination. She remembered that spot on more than a few occasions and we both made sure no one was injured, and that we kept her focused on the trail and sometimes in a sprint as we passed that area. Seeing her so animated and sure of herself was a great sign of her healing too, and we gave thanks to the Lord and kept her moving right along.

As that year closed I meditated in my heart often on the promise in 1 Peter 5:10, “But the God of all Grace, who hath called us unto His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.” And that was only something He could do for us, in me and through all that was behind us and ahead of us. No matter what was ahead Jesus was praying to the Father for us and would be with us. That was a Passage and encouragement that I had just reminded my Marmi of too and we were all holding it fast, and we needed it!

…Until we meet again…