Chapter 45 – Pressing Onward

God Girds Us

Psalm 18:30-33

“As for God, His way is perfect: the Word of the LORD is tried: He is a buckler to all those that trust in Him. For who is God save the LORD? or who is a rock save our God? It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect. He maketh my feet like hinds' feet, and setteth me upon my high places.”

James 1:2-4

“My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.”

I couldn’t believe how fast the new year arrived. The winter was thick with snow and Kaiyah’s raven friends had come by as they would periodically do. Hearing them boldly crying out, and seeing their shiny black feathers glistening in a spectacular way as they moved about in the stunning white of snow covering our landscape, was beautiful to me. The ravens had been known to bring lost snow geese and mallards (and other weather-worn famished birds) to our back yard as a reliable fast food stop for the journey. The ravens would announce them, disappear for a short time and then bring them to our back yard. The ravens would observe until all tummies ate enough and off they would fly together. It was an incredible blessing to have witnessed. I prayed for them as I customarily do. And like so many other moments, it really touched my heart and I was grateful to the Lord for the gift and the lessons of those precious souls. The revisiting pairs and lone stragglers of the mallards were ever so grateful to find their favorite grain scratch tucked in places easily gobbled up by hungry beaks. The various hawks and owls made an unusual joint time of year showing that stirred me that they had an awareness that we were leaving and wanted to share an unspoken moment before we departed just as the migrating hummingbirds had done in early autumn. And so did our little squirrel and critter friends.

I noticed Kaiyah was slowing down a bit more than before and occasionally a bit unsteady on her back legs. So I kept a vigilant watch as she did her outside business just in case a little help was required. She seemed to really take her time enjoying the cold and meandering about her yard. Her wildlife friends would greet her and she would look up with that wise playful look of hers and sniff the frigid air looking miles away from our humble backyard and watched them come and go. It had been a long time since I had seen that faraway look in Kaiyah’s eyes. I knew she was heartbroken over Pumpkin and she was dealing with increasing aging complications and, on top of that, she had to have understood a major change was forthcoming. Her whole world was changing and so was ours.

We had continued to put our usual goodies out for our wild fur and feathered friends and they knew it. The buffet was often standing room only. The bird bath was full, clean and heated, and the small side bowls were also clean and would melt in the sun should someone need a sip. Everyone was in our prayers as that was to be our last winter looking after them. Peter reminded me time and time again that the Lord has always Looked after them way before we moved there and would keep right on doing it. He is Plenteous in Goodness and Deeply Loves all of His Creation. I knew that of course but my heart has always been rather tender to care that way and to carry the responsibilities that came with it. Yet the tears would still roll down my cheeks.

I had been raw for many years with grief and loss and steadily enduring the battles that wage in life while we live on this little blue planet and, most assuredly, including the recent sudden loss of our Pumpkin. To say we missed him would be an understatement. Our little Kaiyah seemed almost lost sometimes but she would find her way to her happy cozy spot and rest. I totally understood and empathized.

Peter and I had reconsidered a number of things during that small “eye of the storm” window. We decided we still wanted to be closer to Peter’s family and to be free to discover our country home while cutting loose of the world we had come to reside in, including all the negatives that we had long been troubled with living there. There were many positives though, that circulated in our thoughts and conversations as well. We continued to seek the Lord and to follow, to the best of our ability, the way the Lord placed before us and for His Reasons, though we certainly had our own too. We had decided to put our house back on the market with a new agent and take the steps necessary to make the cross country move in a way that would remove us from the scene. After the incident with our neighbors, trust was hard and trusting the agent even harder. But we knew we could trust the Lord with all of it and through to whatever end He knew would be best.

We were aware a lot of work would be needed to get our items sorted, donated, and packed as quickly as possible. Thankfully it was well underway by that time. It was a lot to process but the strain had to be kept to a minimum for our aging furbabies and Cotton. The memories, emotions; the letting go process and frustrations with things that were out of our control was thicker than concrete mud and the reality of things was setting in harder than Quickcrete. We prayed, clung to the Lord and pressed onward.

Seeing Kaiyah slowing down only sped me up with an urgency to get her settled and by the family. I was all too aware that every moment counts in this life. I felt the family needed to have time with her too as well as Gideon and our feather baby Cotton. I was torn though as I also wanted Kaiyah to have the safety and comfort of the home and yard she knew and enjoyed so well, and not to go through the changes that lay ahead although it would be familiar. It was our old stomping grounds but different. I was not keen to return there but surrendered to the process and partnered with my husband.

I wrestled with concerns. We had planted new trees and shrubs to make our back yard more luscious, colorful, and private with lots of them being wildlife friendly and fruiters. I couldn’t believe how many thoughts I had about, well, just about everything. I usually don’t experience that but for whatever reason I was inundated with such complicated and contrasting thoughts. It was our first home we bought together and it was getting time to say good-bye. I had to turn everything over to the only one I knew who could take care of everything and that was the Lord Jesus. I was talking to the Lord all the time; poor Peter didn’t know if I was praying or talking to him sometimes.

The difficulties surrounding that move were overridden by our strong sense of the Lord’s Leading and love for Peter’s family, and we had a few dear friends not far from where we were heading. We really didn’t have much more to go on than that but it was more than enough. We had hope in The Lord and we were surrendered to what we discerned was God’s Will. The road is not always smooth before us as we choose to follow God. Nor are we promised everything will be hunky-dory if we just trust in God and believe in Jesus. James, the apostle of Jesus said it this way, “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.”

I experienced this Truth in my own life, seen it work in the life of my family and countless others. Letting patience have her perfect work, is not always easy but necessary. Sometimes the winds, waves, floods, and the noises that come with them must be endured. Anyone who has lived honestly would know the truth of it. Our Hope and Anchor, Jesus, being God Himself was more than able to Carry us through… anything. He had already Proved Himself to me umpteen times because it is Who He Is…. God never changes, never. And I reminded and still remind myself of this fact often. I contemplate on Passages such as Psalms 90:2, “Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever thou hadst formed the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting, thou art God.”

The imminence of the big move was just ahead and the winds and waves were surging but God’s Peace and Strength bolstered our lives. Sometimes the Lord takes us into the storm to show us His Great Power and for the Reasons that are His and for many that He wants to Reveal in His Time. Heavenly Father only Knew what lay ahead for our sweet Kaiyah, Gideon, Cotton and all of us in the family and our home. I knew we were heading into a storm. I just didn’t know how big and from which direction or directions the winds, waves, and rains would blow… But we needed to trust Him all the way. He was With us and that Held us steady. He Girded us as we pressed onward.

Softly down in the memories of my heart I could hear Marmi quietly building to a crescendo as she played her piano and sang through many a tear, and greatly tested faith, her beloved Psalm 46, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble….”

 …Until we meet again…